When Everything Is Okay

8/1/2024

It’s August already. How is that? Time flies. When you are having fun. Am I having fun? I’m definitely exactly where I want to be at this moment. I am happy. Genuinely. And also, something is missing. But that can be just today. This moment. And things can change. Things do change. Things are constantly changing. My mood swings in all directions. And it’s amazing. Because no matter what it is, I know it’s about to change too. There’s a thrill in that. Because I’m alive. I am living. Through the ups, the downs, the sideways, and the in-betweens. All of the moments.

Just write. Write badly. Write everything and anything that comes to mind. Maybe somewhere inside that will come the beauty. We miss 100% of the chances we do not take. I know that in my life. I’ve seen it. Every good thing ever has come from being willing to take a chance. Taking the chances anyway even when you don’t feel like it. Being willing to be willing when you are unwilling. Willing the unwillingness away. It can be done. I am proof of that. The benefits are proportionate to the effort, to the risks, to the willingness to fail and try again. Keep going. Keep doing. Keep moving. Keep breathing. Keep living. One step at a time. One breath at a time.

10/11/2024

It’s two months later. It’s October already. I leave Bali in 18 days. Time is passing, as it always does, as it always will. As it is meant to do. I can wish the time away, waiting, waiting, for something to happen. Letting it pass me by. Wondering what is missing. And sometimes I do. Or, I can spend my time living these moments, in them, through them. Experiencing the highs and the lows as they come, and as they go. Actively living. Seeing, breathing, feeling. This option feels better to me. Not easier, but better.

I love waking up early to witness the sky outside my windows turn from dark to light. Watching the sun travel, up behind and above the tall palm trees behind my house as I boil water for coffee. Up over the roof of the house next to mine as I sit on my balcony and journal. Brighter still as I try my best to meditate, my kitty cat friend curled up next to me, purring, asking for more treats. As I sip my coffee and take in my surroundings and feel the joy and gratitude that is waking to another day in Bali. I can count the days, and believe me, I do. But I will also do my absolute best to live each hour of them all. I love it here. I love being alive over here. The mornings are my favorite. Soon, I will leave. Now, I am here. One day, I will be back.