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This is Different
I am no stranger to the dark and the sad, to the depths of painful expression Most of my life it was all that I knew, but for windows of respite, pockets of light It isn’t unfamiliar. It is unwelcome. Continue reading
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on indecision:
Not knowing where to begin because of not knowing where I am headed.A vague idea of getting out,finding the exit,winning the game.But what does that mean? Not knowing what I want because I only know what I don’t want.A debilitating sense of confusion.This way or that way?End or beginning?Pulled in all directions; stuck fast where Continue reading
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Walking on Sand
I landed in Koh Samui with all of my luggage and all of my anxiety. A driver holding a sign with my name on it was waiting at the airport to take me to my new home on the beach. The plan was to stay here for a month. I’ve never been a huge fan Continue reading
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(crushed) Alive
Stuck. What do you do when the walls of motivation are closing in tight, crushing, not stopping, and you are on the wrong side of them. You’re not sad. You’re stuck. You’re not depressed, you just can’t move. And the inability to move feeds into everything you are trying to run away from. The walls Continue reading
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Pai, Thailand
The car ride from Chiang Mai to Pai was a long and dizzying three-hour ordeal during which, at any given point, I was certain I was either about to die or to vomit. The road twisted and turned, went up and down, and was often extremely close to the edges of cliffs. It was also Continue reading
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The Adventure Begins
Good things take time. I left New York in September of 2022 with a roundtrip ticket to Chiang Mai, Thailand. 30 days, I told myself, I can do 30 days. 2 weeks before I left, I had a full-on nervous breakdown in the back of my boss’s car late one night. What am I doing?? Continue reading
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Waking up
Waking up in Ubud, Bali is not the same as waking up in Brooklyn, New York.It’s 6 a.m. and the sun is rising, peeking out in shining rays behind the coconut palms.I throw open my curtains, letting it all in, the contrast is startling, each day anew.The tiny colorful singing birds, orange and yellow and Continue reading
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Tears
Why do you ask if you don’t want to know? How can I answer when no one is listening? I hide in plain sight. Everyone can see. Stop it. Grow up. I wish that I can. I try. Over and over, and over again. I’m fifteen, and for the first time, I get to cry… Continue reading
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Yet Space Can Not Contain
I remember this poem as the one that made me believe I needed to be high in order to write anything worth writing. I remember writing this poem, sitting on a green plastic chair in my bedroom at my parent’s house in Brooklyn, NY. I remember reading this poem, out loud, during workshop the next… Continue reading
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Rise and Shine
I stood in the stairwell of my school, shouting. My mom, next to me, exasperated and at her wits end from this daily event, pleading with me to just go inside. I was late. I was not going to go in. She was late. Her kindergarten class was waiting for her downstairs. I’d scream, cry, Continue reading
I can I know 