I can I know

Of One Thing I’m Certain

I am not ok.
I don’t even want to be.
To be ok right now would
require a loss of my humanity
that I am not prepared to lose.
Holding opposites together,
I can only do so much.
Avoid harm. 
Don’t make it worse.
Ride the wave.
Acknowledge that 
none of this is ok.

And one day, other things will be.

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To Turn Off the Flash

Everything, lately, is a memory. 
Sometimes 
the whole memory
is a feeling.
Hurt. Anger. Sadness. Fear.
I am not alone.
I want to be.
I have no space to be unseen.
I want to go.
I am trying to hide 
and I cannot.
That is the feeling. That is the panic.

Pretty soon, I get to leave New York behind.

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Backward to Forward

Counting numbers carefully,
sorting set to auto,
the brain does what it does.
Is this the right amount?
How about now?
A special kind 
of back and forth,
like flexible division, which
means nothing and everything and 
no, you are not supposed to understand.
What happens
If something
Is left unpunctuated

Must you come back and fix it
?

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